Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
