it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
