I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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