I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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