I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
