Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
