I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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