Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
