I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
