my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
