If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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