I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
