i permit you to call me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
