it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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