Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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