You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
They have beer where we have blood.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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