i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
only if we run a train.
done.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
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