What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
