I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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