glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
