I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
