there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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