Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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