Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
