i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How naked do you want me to be?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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