we're blogging at a bar
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
