we're blogging at a bar
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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