i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
