I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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