If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
