I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
