You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
