I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
