I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
