I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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