im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
