So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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