I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
