Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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