i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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