umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
