I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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