He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
