Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
