dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
