Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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