Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
