apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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