i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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