The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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