the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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