I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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