got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
