I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Someone shattered a urinal.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
