drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
