i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
