Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
