I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
