he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
