that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
