His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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