I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
