3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
