There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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