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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.

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• (845): View more from New York

  forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.

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• (518): View more from New York

  you're out of your mind

  (518): View more from New York

  you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear

  (518): View more from New York

  it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.

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