Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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