don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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