I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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