There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
