I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She even gives head with a lisp.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
