Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
